Football or Church?

Alright, here's a nice, tongue-in-cheek, hopefully semi-fun look at my warped sense of humor.

Recently, I 'tweeted' a series of 'tweets' that related some standard football phrases and words to the average church-goer. I had gotten the idea last week when I received a long list of 'tweets' from Rob Bell that told a story in short 140 character bursts. His series was much more substantive than mine, however, I've had some requests that I re-post my attempt at humor here. So... here ya go:

At DC we’ve got a lot of Kansas City Chief football fans, & that can often interfere w/ church. I’ve come up w/ some definitions for your amusement...

QUARTERBACK SNEAK – Church members quietly leaving during the message to go home and watch the game

DRAW PLAY – What most children do during the worship and what Pastor Bil does during the messages.

HALFTIME – The period between praise & worship and the message, when many choose to leave… or come in.

BENCHWARMER – Those who don’t sing, pray, work, or apparently do anything.

BACKFIELD-IN-MOTION – Making a trip up the aisle to the back (rest room or water fountain) during the service.

STAYING IN THE POCKET – What happens to a lot of money that should be given to the Lord’s work.

TWO-MINUTE WARNING – The point at which you realize the message is almost done and begin to gather up your belongings and tune out.

INSTANT REPLAY – The speaker forgets to look at his notes and starts saying the same thing over and over.

SUDDEN DEATH – What happens to everyone’s attention span when the speaker goes way overtime.

TRAP – When an Elder has asked you to pray over the offering and you don’t know how to say “I stink at praying in public!”

END RUN – Getting up and getting out of church by quickly bolting out the back doors before anyone has a chance to talk to you.

FLEX DEFENSE – The ability to allow absolutely nothing during the message to affect your life.

BLITZ – The rush for restaurants and anyplace showing the big game immediately following the final prayer.

CALLING AN AUDIBLE - Any time a cell phone goes off and the pastor makes a stupid comment about how distracted he has become

Whew... okay... glad I got that out of my system. I hope to see you all at DC this weekend! BTW... we'll be done way before the game starts now that our Sunday service starts at 10am!

(There will be special prayer offered for the Chiefs to be victorious over the Denver Broncos. Seeing as the Broncos are God's least favorite team, this prayer time should not require us to take much time. Truly, He hears us when we pray.)