Letter to my son

Today is my son, Caleb's, birthday. I wrote him a "birthday" letter and Kelli thought I should share it here with all of you. He's a special kid and I'm truly a blessed Dad.

Dear Caleb Andrew,

Today, December 30th, 2010 is your fourteenth birthday. Last year, at this time, you and I got to go to Florida and hang out together. I sorta wish I could go back in time, because that was truly awesome for me. It was a memory I’ll never forget. Now you are one year older. You’re not just “becoming a teenager”, you ARE a teenager! It seems so strange to me to see you getting older.

Of course, like all parents, I wish I could freeze time and make you stay small forever. I miss you being a little guy that I carried on my back and wrestled with and threw 15 feet in the air to watch you belly-flop into the pool. Now you could carry me on your back, kick my butt in wrestling, and push me into the pool whenever you wanted! Well,… almost. =)

Anyway… I want you to know how proud I am of you. I think you are a great person and you’ve grown into an awesome young man. You probably don’t know this… but I watch you… a lot. I see you talking with your friends. I see you playing with children that are way smaller than you. I watched you be an awesome brother to Maria, even though she was hard to relate to at times. I watch you with your brothers and Michaela and Merci.

I watch you Caleb… and I’m really proud of you.

When Mom and I were thinking of a name for you, we chose Caleb Andrew for a reason. Not necessarily because those two names mean something cool, but because of those two characters in the Bible.

Caleb was a spy. Actually, there were 12 spies that were chosen, out of all of God’s people, to sneak into the “Promised Land”. They did and they saw some killer stuff, including lots of food and water… and scary giants. Caleb and Joshua were the only ones, out of the 12, that told the leadership that they should definitely go into the Promised Land. But the other 10 spies all said, “No way! The giants are way too big! We’ll all be killed if we try and go in there!” Because of these 10 guys’ report, God’s people chickened out and didn’t do what He wanted them to do. However, Caleb and Joshua will always be considered studs for being brave enough to do whatever it takes to obey God. We chose Caleb, because he was a stud… a radical for God.

Andrew was one of Jesus’ disciples. He is one of the guys that doesn’t get mentioned very often in the Bible, however, when he is mentioned… he’s bringing people to Jesus! For example, he brought his brother to Jesus, and the kid with the lunch of fish and bread too. We think this is something that God is going to do with you.

When you put these two names together: Caleb Andrew – I get the picture of a radical guy, who doesn’t care what anyone else may think, all he cares about is what God thinks. A guy who is brave and doesn’t mind being quietly in the background, as long as he can be a part of helping someone else see Jesus. This is Mom’s and my prayer for you Caleb. That you would always be different than the rest of the crowd (all the other wimpy spies who call themselves God-followers, but are too wimpy to ever really take a stand for Him). You are definitely becoming that kind of person. I see it in you and the way that you are. This is why I am so proud of you.

I love you more than anything, son. I hope you know that.

As always, you must remember that I am always here for you. If you are going through something, or if you ever need to talk, I hope you’ll come to me. I love you 5, buddy… and I ALWAYS will.

Happy Birthday,
love Dad

Where Are We Headed?

In 2008 the church I pastor went through many changes. We had changed our name, our philosophy, many of our methods, and even our mission statement. The theme for that year was, “Keep Your Coins, I Want Change”, and man, did we ever live up to it. We did change… I think for the better, as we focused our lives on being exactly who Christ has called us, uniquely, to be.

In 2009 our theme was “Relate”. The ‘t’ in the word was formed by an arrow pointing up, and the cross bar formed with arrows pointing in both directions. The idea was that we were going to concentrate on relating better to God, and others. This is the time we began purposefully going out into the community to attempt ‘being’ the Church in what we refer to as DC-W.O.W. (Desperation Church With Out Walls) weekends. Because our mission statement is, “Love God, Love Others”, the theme of ‘relate’ was a good one. So good, in fact, we decided to keep it for 2010.

Now it is 2011. It’s time for a new theme. Some may consider it odd, or even cheesy, to have a yearly theme for a church. I disagree. It’s been said that “without vision, people perish”.

What if that's true? What does it really mean?

I believe it is imperative to keep the vision before us, to know exactly what it is that we are striving for personally, and corporately. Truly, when we don’t have a specific goal in mind, we can find ourselves spinning our wheels and going through motions, all while never really accomplishing much of anything, except weekly meetings. Of course, mission statements are important for this reason as well. However, while the mission of the Church (to love God and others) should never really change, the vision that God gives to a people will need to transform from time to time, as His Spirit moves and flows with where the culture is at the time.

To me, the vision is expressed in the theme.

In the context of a church family, the theme should be seen in a multitude of ways. Obviously, it will be woven into each sermon, but more than that, it will be incorporated into each worship time, each Bible study, each retreat and event, and hopefully become one of the defining characteristics of our community. For this reason, the theme is vitally important, and one that I have approached with much prayer and consideration. I totally hope you’ll like it.

What is it?

I’ll share it with the family this weekend at Desperation Church, I hope you can be there. If you can’t, don’t fret, I’ll share it here too, early next week.
See ya then!

The Christmas Letter Kelli Wouldn't Let Me Send:

Dear Friends & Family,

It is that time of year again to share with you our adventures in this journey we call life. 2010 has been another year of magic, wonder… and some other stuff.

Merci, almost 7, is the newest member of the clan. She came to us from Haiti, following the earthquake, and has fit in quite beautifully. She is a lot of fun, and her cooking, tennis, deep-sea-diving, driving, parachuting, and origami skills are increasing daily. When she grows up she wants to be a Ballet Dancer and a grown up.

Michaela, now 11, is quite the talker. She continues to amaze the professors at the University with her intuition in foreign languages. It was fun for her to serve as Official Translator for Bono at the Bosnian-Serbian Peace Talks. She intends to spend this Holiday transcribing the first five Books of the Old Testament into Pig-Latin and Cantonese.

Caleb, now 13, is growing in leaps and bounds. Ten years ago, when he got his first set of building blocks, he seemed quite interested in large buildings. Who could have ever forseen that this year he would design and build his first skyscraper in Hong Kong; the new 108-story International Commerce Centre. It is great to have a budding architect at home as he made a new addition to the house and a wonderful gazebo for our garden. Martha Stewart will be filming her next show here in April.

Kolten, a curiously remarkable 16, is immersed with his Graduate School studies, and managed to co-author a paper on Multidimensional Customer Attribute Analysis by Conjoint Survey and accept a Nobel Prize for his discoveries in Quantum Physics. Along the way Kolten took three startups through their IPO. We are proud of his work serving on the Board of Directors of IBM, Coca-Cola, and Walt Disney. His modeling career is also budding into something no one saw coming.

Conor, a noble 18 years of age, has kept himself very busy with teaching under-privileged children in the suburbs to read. He is finishing up his master's degree in public relations. Combined with his degree in business marketing, Conor has already used dual talents to develop advertising strategies for such clients as Conan O’Brian (you may have seen his new “Grow-A-Beard-Bag-A-Babe” ad for TBS. . . an idea brought to you entirely by Conor!). He has turned quite a profit, and consequently is starting his own Nasdaq stock, partnering with Zach" Galifianakis, (BEARDS=BABES). We will let you know when it goes public so you, too, can invest!

Kelli had a very busy year. In between her work as President of the American Red-Hat Society and Senior Partner of Amazon.com, she introduced a line of children’s novels and hand-made active-wear. She remains occupied with the children and has introduced them to Yoga, gourmet coffee, and power walking. She still will not let anyone forget how she led the 1991 Women’s World Cup Soccer team to the championship in China, and how she rode a horse bare-back around the pyramids in Egypt in 1983. Yes, we are all very proud of you, Mom.

Michael, also known as ‘Dad’, was active with the kids teaching Merci Ballet, and helping to lower the boy’s handicaps to 5. In February he was let go by the church, and even though the charges of grand theft were eventually dropped, the legal fees sent us into bankruptcy. However, this gave Michael and the family the opportunity to squeeze a little traveling in this year. We started in Aspen, went to Belarus, the Congo, Denmark, Ethiopia, the Falklands, Greenland, Holland, Italy, Japan, Korea, Malaysia, New Zealand, Venezuela, and Zaire. Our trip sailing our new boat around the world was a great experience for the kids, we learned to communicate with Dolphins and discovered a new region of deep water volcanoes.

And Lady, our Old-English Sheep dog, learned to speak… Latin. Other than that, it was a very quiet year. So from our household to yours, all the Blessings of the Season and may your New Year be prosperous. Ours will be. We found out yesterday that we won the $43 Million Powerball Lottery.

Actually, none of the above is true (except for the part about Kelli in Egypt), but you have to admit it makes more interesting reading than what our lives have really been like! What is true is that our sincere prayer is that the blessings of this holy season fill you with joy and peace, as you enjoy God’s awesome presence!

The Crafts,
Michael, Kelli, Conor, Kolten, Caleb, Michaela,and Merci

Explanation of a Broken Heart

Approximately four years ago I visited Haiti for the first time and fell in love. I fell in love with the country, the people, and specifically, I fell in love with two Haitian girls. One of the girls had just turned eleven years old, the other was only two. I met hundreds of orphans on my trip, but these two girls captured my heart. When I returned home and shared my experience with Kelli and my four children, we all spent a few weeks praying and seeking God’s perfect will, to distinguish if we should pursue adopting these beautiful girls. We all felt this was the direction that God had for us, and thus we began the painstakingly lengthy process. Over the next four years I would visit Haiti two more times, each stint spending more time getting to know these two girls.

In early 2010 a devastating earthquake hit the country of Haiti. Many people lost their lives and the country was in shambles. One bright light in all that darkness was the adoption process was sped up, literally overnight. For almost eleven months now, the girls have been in our home. Legally the adoption is not finalized and we are only considered a ‘foster’ family until the paperwork goes through. However, our hearts have always been that these girls were now a part of our family… forever.
The younger girl, Merci Klarrah, has grown leaps and bounds in that time. She is now six years old and is a constant joy to each and every one of us. The older girl, Marie Andre (Maria), is now fifteen years old and sadly, things have not worked out so well.

At first, we believed Maria to be shy. She exhibited all the symptoms of someone who had been through a lot of horrors in her life, such as physical, emotional, and perhaps even sexual, abuse. Our hearts were to love her through all of this and show her an unconditional love that would melt her hardened heart. At times, we could see huge progress in Maria, and she would smile and show signs of real life. But the majority of the time she would distance herself from us, from friends, and from anything or anyone that would try to get close to her.

We sought out a counselor. Then, another. Then, still another. We tried a different approach at education. We attempted all that we could, to try and win her heart. We read books and we sought the wisdom of others. Nothing seemed to help. A few months ago it began to worsen. Maria learned that she could manipulate the family with her behavior. She began to be increasingly mean to our eleven year-old, Michaela. We would talk to her about her behavior… to no avail. She wouldn’t apologize. She wouldn’t seek reconciliation. She wouldn’t simply be nice. We began to seek new ways to try and form her behavior, because ‘talking’ didn’t seem to work. We grounded her. We took things away. Nothing seemed to be successful. We grew tired of folks saying things like, “Well, that’s just a teenager for you.” We have never experienced this with our other ‘teens’… or any other teens for that matter. (I was a youth pastor for eight years and my minor in college was adolescent behavior/youth ministry).

We began to explain to Maria that when you are part of a ‘family’, unconditional love must be shown. Forgiveness must be given. We do not have the luxury of holding grudges, because it simply makes the entire household miserable. She wouldn’t change. We explained that the adoption wasn’t finalized yet and asked her if she would be happier if we tried to find a different family for her. She refused to give us an answer, but only asked if she could call her birth-mother in Haiti to ask her opinion. To this request, we agreed. Her birth-mother’s advice was for her to “count her blessings” and do whatever it took to stay in America, because Haiti was so bad. From this point on, Maria seemed to be increasingly sad. Each day she would seclude herself and remain very quiet. We tried and tried to love and minister to her, but we failed.

Things between Maria and Michaela grew so bad that we asked friends to keep Michaela for us for a week. Hurtful things were said to Michaela that cut her deeply. We were very concerned that Michaela was being wounded by the meanness of Maria. When Michaela was at home, at night we’d find her wrapped up in a blanket and sleeping in the hall, because she was afraid to go into her room. This was very unlike Michaela, and she was frightened to tell us anything, because Maria had warned her, “Don’t tell Mom and Dad anything about me!” At this time I began to research how we might find a place for Maria to go. Was there a place out there where she could be truly happy?

After much research, we did indeed find a Christian organization that takes in young people exactly like Maria. They have multiple staff that speak Creole (Maria’s native tongue) and counselors who are dedicated to the help and healing of Haitian children who’ve gone through much of what Maria has had to endure. Because the environment is Christian, Jesus is brought into every aspect of the kid’s lives. They were more than willing to take Maria in, after learning more about her.

Since all this has been decided, Maria has had her ups and downs. She had days where she would be a completely different person. She was kind and generous and completely loving. She wrote letters and showed us extreme love. She never seemed to act this way towards Michaela, but to the rest of us she was awesome. Apparently, she made it known to others that she did not desire to leave our family. When we would ask her about this, she would state that she didn’t want to leave. However, when we asked her if she loved her sister, Michaela, and could she be kind to her? She wouldn’t answer us. We had to take this as her not wanting to be a part of the Craft family. You see, the Crafts are: Michael, Kelli, Conor, Kolten, Caleb, Michaela, and Merci. You can’t just love six of us and not the seventh. We all must love all of us – it must be this way. Of course, kids will be kids, and arguments among sisters are going to happen, but this was different. Maria is good at hanging onto a grudge. The one she has against Michaela just didn’t seem like it was going away.

Today we said “goodbye” to Marie Andre. We cried… a lot. She cried… a lot. Our hearts are broken in two right now, there is no other way to say it. We will miss Maria, of course. Her leaving is the death of a dream. I wanted her to be a ‘Craft’. I wanted to walk her down the aisle one day. I loved it when she called me “Daddy”. I’ll miss that… a lot.

I have to keep telling myself that she just wasn’t happy. Although, today… and the past few days, (when she wasn’t around Michaela) she said that she was, I don’t think she truly wanted to be a part of our family. Kelli and I had just come to the realization that if we were going to be doing Maria any good, we needed to make sure she was happy and that she got the very best possible start here in America and in life. We initially thought our unconditional love would be enough to accomplish those goals. However, we have come to realize that it just wasn’t. We now feel that the best start for her is in Miami, Florida at HIS HOUSE, where she is going. We are saddened to admit that Maria needs so much more than we can provide.

We don’t think we misheard God, or that He made a mistake. We do believe that for a season, we were put into Maria’s life, and she in ours, for a reason. If we had not pursued the adoption, taken a second-mortgage on our home to pay for it, and put in all the time and effort – perhaps Maria would be one of the many victims currently suffering with Cholera, in the aftermath of the earthquake, in Haiti right now. Perhaps she would never have had the opportunity to become a citizen of America? Now she does.

I pray that she will be happy where she is going. I really do. I’d like to think we did what was best for Maria. I’d like to believe that God knows all things and that He has Maria… and us… in the palm of His hand. Perhaps he’ll bring Maria back into our lives at a later time – we certainly will keep tabs on her. Perhaps she’ll find happiness away from such a large and loud family like the Crafts. I just don’t know.

I do know that I’ve never been so sad. I know that I don’t like to see my wife and children crying. I know that I need some time to heal and grieve a serious “loss” with my family. For this reason, I’m taking some time to do just that. I hope you’ll all understand what we’ve been going through, and where we are at now. Some will, and have, judged us for the decisions we’ve made. My attempt at writing this long blog is that you will know our hearts, and why we are where we are at this time.

I love you. Please continue to keep us, and Maria, in your prayers. Many of you reading this have reached out and shown love to Maria. Thank you. Your kindness has not gone unnoticed. We have appreciated you all more than we can express.

Michael

WARNING: Includes Some Nudity

I read a lot... and am given a lot to read. However, the following poem concerning prayer has stood out among the rest. Enough so, that I'm sharing it here. Definitely something to chew on...

An Embarrassment by Wendell Berry

"Do you want to ask
the blessing?"

"No. If you do,
go ahead."

He went ahead:
his prayer dressed up

in Sunday clothes
rose a few feet

and dropped with a soft
thump.

If a lonely soul
did ever cry out

in company its true
outcry to God,

it would be as though
at a sedate party

a man suddenly
removed his clothes

and took his wife
passionately into his arms.

PSALM 151

Who said that the Book of Psalms had to stop being written? David seemed to get a lot of his feelings, praise, and prayers out in what we today call, 'The Book of Psalms'. I'm gonna give it a try:


A Psalm of Michael

O Lord, my God
in You will I put my trust,
in You will I put my whole life.

There is nothing that can compare to You
and nothing that can compare to how I feel when I am with You.

In the crisp and frosty morning
I find my thoughts drifting towards You and Your realm.
In the cool and bright evening
I stare at the stars and am awestruck by Your rule.

You seem to be so very big.

Each day and all nights I am nothing less than mesmerized
when I quiet myself and reflect on You.

But if I am to be ruthlessly and transparently honest,
I am wondering…
if You ever reflect upon me?

When those that entitle themselves ‘Christian’, ‘brother’, ‘friend’
and yet drag me into the courts of man…

When the stealer comes with his schmoozing and lies
and pilfers the refuge that I call a home…

When the darkness of disease, like an unwanted stranger,
has blown into town and taken up unyielding residence…

When those I’ve unconditionally loved and unreservedly cared for
lower their gaze and desire nothing more to do with me…

In these times of overwhelming shadows and devastating obscurity,
I simply can’t help but wonder…
seriously,… do I ever cross Your mind?

Surely, You see all that transpires
and indubitably, You hear the cries of a scared and lonely child.

Truthfully, what could ever escape
the One Who whittled the mountains, carved out the oceans and finger-paints each sunrise?

I should know better, huh?

Where else can I turn, but to the King Who’s authority spans the cosmos
and who’s undeviating love bridges the distance between my fears…
and my faith.
Selah (think about that for a second)

So, I say again
and again
and again…

O Lord, my God
in You will I put my trust,
in You will I put my whole life.