money: Like any
other career change, it is very frightening to let your salary go. Even if it
might be an insufficient one, it is still difficult to let go of your
guaranteed income. Most pastors have no idea how they will provide support for
themselves and their families if they leave.
family:
Especially if your family is Christian, they had so much pride in the fact that
you were “serving the Lord“. Pastors will anticipate a great deal of
disappointment from their families when they walk away from this very special
calling that so many people took such delight in.
self: When pastors get ordained, they vow that they will
never, ever give up. They promise that they will serve the Lord and His body
until death. To even think about surrendering this induces an incredible amount
of personal shame.
theology: I
always took great comfort from scriptures such as, “Run the race. Fight the
good fight.” These passages helped me in the worst of times to persevere. To
quit the ministry evokes enormous feelings of spiritual failure.
vocation: Most
pastors are very specially trained. They have focused their whole lives and
educations on theology and ministry to others. It is feared that to walk away
from the only job that employs these specific skills is to expose oneself to a
completely unmarketable and unemployable position. Usually it requires
retraining, which in itself is pretty stinkin' daunting to face.
congregation: To
leave the ministry is to walk away from the congregation that the pastor has
served. It can feel like abandoning your family. In fact, some might accuse the
pastor of being a false shepherd who abandons the sheep. To anticipate this
painful separation is excruciating.
enemies: Yeah,
believe it or not... I have them. Those who have questioned, ridiculed or even
opposed the pastor’s ministry will suddenly have all the ammunition they need
to say, “I told you so!” Pastors can hear that leaving the ministry was proof
that they shouldn’t have been a pastor to begin with. It feels like throwing in
the towel, and there are people who love to cheer that demonstration of
surrender. Don't believe me? The very weekend after I announced my resignation
there was in attendance a woman who swore she wouldn't attend DC again if I was
the pastor. So... why was she there? And was it just me, or was there a
sinister smile on her face the entire time I spoke?
meaning: To leave
most jobs doesn’t bear the weightiness that leaving the ministry does. Leaving
the ministry carries an existential significance that shoots a resigning pastor
into the darkest of nights because, as most pastors sense, their job wasn’t
just a job, but an extension of their spiritual selves. Ministry is the
expression of their convictions, and to leave the job appears to be the
desertion of these core convictions.
waste: All
pastors are taught and believe that they are planting seeds. They toil year
after year with faith that one day their labor will bear fruit. To consider
leaving the ministry is to consider relinquishing the garden and to leave it
untended or under the care of another who might not share the same commitments.
The feelings are all to real, that all that work might be gone to waste without
any chance of sharing in the harvest, if it ever comes.
friends: When
pastors leave the ministry, they leave friends. For one, they are walking away
from their peers in ministry. They are quitting that team. But they are also
walking away from people they’ve served and loved through their births,
baptisms, marriages, divorces, deaths, tragedies and spiritual pilgrimages.
They are saying farewell to people they have loved in very significant ways,
intuitively knowing that walking away from the community network will also
endanger their chances of that ever happening again.
