Sadistic?

It’s been a weird week for me. I’ve had more tiredness (perhaps due to Daylight Savings time?), more burn-out, and I suppose just more need for refreshing than in quite a while. I received three different reports from people that they had heard ‘rumors’ about me (One rumor was that I drink to get drunk and party with folks in the church all the time. The other rumors were basically the same type of thing having to do with being a false Christian, tattoos, drunk, lover of gays, etc. Each time I receive reports like these I struggle with wanting to defend myself in order to have a good reputation with ‘men’ and the enemy beats on me pretty good about it).

I told my wife this morning that I was looking forward to just spending some time alone with God today and reading the Word… for me personally… not to prepare for the weekend’s message. So, as I began the daily reading plan for today, I found myself chuckling. I think God has a sense of humor that’s downright satirical sometimes… if I didn’t know Him and His loving character better I might even say ‘sadistic’.

First, I was sent to the Book of Numbers (the fourth Book of the Old Testament) chapter 28 and began reading through a long list of specific instructions on certain offerings (burnt offerings, grain offerings, Sabbath offerings, nodding off…erings). This is incredibly in-depth material, and although super important to the Israelites at the time, seemingly unpractical for me presently. I was anxiously in anticipation of getting through this stuff and getting to my New Testament reading for the day. So, once I had trudged through Numbers I proceeded, as instructed, to Luke 3:23-38. Praise the Lord… It was a riveting genealogy! You know, one of those passages of the Bible that goes on and on with unending and delightful substance like, “the son of Rhesa, the son of Zerubbabel, the son of Shealtiel, the son of…”.

It was at this moment that I prayed a short and powerfully holy prayer that sounded something like: “Lord, what’s up? Did you not get the part where I’m feeling like I need some refreshing? Do you not get that I could have gone out and ‘fleshed out’ (that’s a made-up term meaning gotten drunk or something even stupider in an attempt to drown away depression and burn-out)? Do you not understand that I could have sought help from Oprah? I mean, c’mon Lord! I actually made the effort to open up the Bible and read it. Couldn’t You at least have it say something significant and maybe just a tiny bit relevant?”

Like I said, it was powerfully holy.

Then I turned to the verse I was supposed to read in Proverbs, which had within it, (“He who is steadfast in righteousness will attain to life”11:19).

The word “steadfast” jumped out at me. Steadfast means, “firm in purpose, resolution, faith, attachment, etc”.

“Okay, Lord. I’ll keep going. I’ll be steadfast. But You better start speaking pretty soon Buddy.”

The final portion of Scripture to be read would be a short chapter from the Book of Psalms (62). It starts out: “My soul waits in silence for God only; From Him is my salvation. He only is my Rock and my Salvation, my Stronghold; I shall not be greatly shaken.”

The writer (some guy named David) then goes on to talk about how bad guys are always coming down on him. He even says that "They delight in falsehood; They bless with their mouth, but inwardly they curse". He then basically repeats that first line again: "My soul, wait in silence for God only, for my hope is from Him. He only is my Rock and my Salvation, my Stronghold; I shall not be shaken."

At this point, I'm starting to get it. Unfortunately, I don't have time to write of all God opened my heart to in this chapter, but for the sake of my point in this blog, allow me to simply say... He spoke to me in a pretty cool way.

Proverbs 62 ends this way: "Once God has spoken; Twice I have heard this: That power belongs to God".
The Message translates that this way: "God said this once and for all; How many times have I heard it repeated? 'Strength comes straight from God'."

I don't know if anyone reads these ponderings of mine. I guess it doesn't really matter. What I do know is this: God wants Michael to be steadfast (firm in purpose), and He longs for my soul to wait on Him. Sometimes I don't hear Him speaking. Sometimes I think He's playing a cruel joke. Sometimes I want to slam shut the Bible and say, "This Book sucks and is not only boring, but totally doesn't apply to where I'm at!" However, when I wait, when I remain steadfast, when I press on, I hear Him say again and again "Strength comes straight from God". I can't explain how that happens or why it is so stinkin' true in my life. But following my devotion time today...

I felt okay... I feel okay.

I feel strengthened.

I feel refreshed.

So, thanks God. Sorry about saying I thought You might be a bit sadistic. You're not... and I know that. I'll end this with a 'shout-out' to You, like David's in this powerful Psalm:
"Love to you, Lord God!" (Psalm 62:12 - The Message).