Difficulty of leaving the ministry

This week I've been preparing to preach my last message at Desperation Church, and perhaps my last message ever... or at the very least, a very, very long time. While reading, I found an article by a man named David Hayward that talked about some of the reasons it is so difficult for a pastor to leave the ministry. I wanted to share his ten reasons, with some comments of my own. The reason I do this, is so that others out there might understand some of the turmoil that is being experienced and hopefully send up a few prayers my family's way. So, here's some of the bummers about walking away from ministry, in no particular order other than how Mr. Hayward put them:

money: Like any other career change, it is very frightening to let your salary go. Even if it might be an insufficient one, it is still difficult to let go of your guaranteed income. Most pastors have no idea how they will provide support for themselves and their families if they leave.

family: Especially if your family is Christian, they had so much pride in the fact that you were “serving the Lord“. Pastors will anticipate a great deal of disappointment from their families when they walk away from this very special calling that so many people took such delight in.

self: When pastors get ordained, they vow that they will never, ever give up. They promise that they will serve the Lord and His body until death. To even think about surrendering this induces an incredible amount of personal shame.

theology: I always took great comfort from scriptures such as, “Run the race. Fight the good fight.” These passages helped me in the worst of times to persevere. To quit the ministry evokes enormous feelings of spiritual failure.

vocation: Most pastors are very specially trained. They have focused their whole lives and educations on theology and ministry to others. It is feared that to walk away from the only job that employs these specific skills is to expose oneself to a completely unmarketable and unemployable position. Usually it requires retraining, which in itself is pretty stinkin' daunting to face.

congregation: To leave the ministry is to walk away from the congregation that the pastor has served. It can feel like abandoning your family. In fact, some might accuse the pastor of being a false shepherd who abandons the sheep. To anticipate this painful separation is excruciating.

enemies: Yeah, believe it or not... I have them. Those who have questioned, ridiculed or even opposed the pastor’s ministry will suddenly have all the ammunition they need to say, “I told you so!” Pastors can hear that leaving the ministry was proof that they shouldn’t have been a pastor to begin with. It feels like throwing in the towel, and there are people who love to cheer that demonstration of surrender. Don't believe me? The very weekend after I announced my resignation there was in attendance a woman who swore she wouldn't attend DC again if I was the pastor. So... why was she there? And was it just me, or was there a sinister smile on her face the entire time I spoke?

meaning: To leave most jobs doesn’t bear the weightiness that leaving the ministry does. Leaving the ministry carries an existential significance that shoots a resigning pastor into the darkest of nights because, as most pastors sense, their job wasn’t just a job, but an extension of their spiritual selves. Ministry is the expression of their convictions, and to leave the job appears to be the desertion of these core convictions.

waste: All pastors are taught and believe that they are planting seeds. They toil year after year with faith that one day their labor will bear fruit. To consider leaving the ministry is to consider relinquishing the garden and to leave it untended or under the care of another who might not share the same commitments. The feelings are all to real, that all that work might be gone to waste without any chance of sharing in the harvest, if it ever comes.

friends: When pastors leave the ministry, they leave friends. For one, they are walking away from their peers in ministry. They are quitting that team. But they are also walking away from people they’ve served and loved through their births, baptisms, marriages, divorces, deaths, tragedies and spiritual pilgrimages. They are saying farewell to people they have loved in very significant ways, intuitively knowing that walking away from the community network will also endanger their chances of that ever happening again.

Resignation Letter to Desperation Church

Dear Desperation Church Family,

“The steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord.” Every time I read this passage from Psalm 37:23 I’m reminded that my life is not my own. I belong to God. Kelli belongs to God. We’ve committed both our individual lives and our marriage to His calling and purpose. We’ve resolved to travel together down the path that He has set before us. We’ve entrusted our steps to Him.

It was God’s leading that brought us to Liberty, Missouri in July of 1995. It was His plan for us to assume the lead pastorship when it became available in June of 1997. He gave us a passion for this city and for more than a decade and a half we’ve developed a love for each and every one of you. The blessings of God have been abundant and you have made this journey so wonderful. I’m convinced that our days here have been ordained by the Lord.

That’s one of the reasons this weekend is so incredibly difficult. Through many months of prayer, and a constant stirring in our hearts, we are convinced that God is asking us to travel down a new path, a path that will lead us away from our Desperation Church family, away from Liberty, and away from full time pastoral ministry. This decision is the most difficult one we’ve had to make up to this point in our ministry and in our lives. The difficulty comes not in saying “yes” to the Lord, but in saying “goodbye” to all of you.

In our hearts we never thought this day would come. I guess that’s why God says in Proverbs 16:9. “In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.” We’ve served here with the mindset that we would never leave. However, when we began our life of ministry together in 1990, it was as a team… and due to Kelli’s persistent sickness, we have not been that team for some time. At one time, Kelli’s fingerprint was all over this church; in the children’s ministry, the women’s ministry, and we’d often have people over for dinner or host Bible studies in our home. Her presence on the front row of each and every weekend service (even when there were three) and every extra class I ever taught, was something I took for granted. None of this has been possible for quite a while. I know that my wife’s absence has hurt our church. I also know that it has affected me personally, more than I can express. I believe this is because our ‘team’ hasn’t been able to be together in the ministry. Truthfully, the agony of Kelli’s physical issues, almost seem to pail in comparison to the hurt of not being able to minister side-by-side. We have prayed long and hard about what it is that we should do, and the Lord has been stirring our hearts that our time at Desperation Church has come to an end. With the counsel received in a recent doctor’s visit, we feel we’ve had this stirring confirmed. It simply is not physically viable for Kelli and I to continue as we are currently going.

This weekend, we are officially offering our 60 days notice of resignation as your pastors, with the full intent to provide transitional leadership according to our church’s Bylaws. During this transitional time we will be working alongside the wonderful leadership of Desperation Church to help things remain healthy and strong here in this wonderful place.

We will be putting our home up for sale soon, and after this time of transition Kelli and I will move to the Colorado Springs, Colorado area. We believe the altitude and the climate could benefit Kelli, and we have some family in the area that will allow us to camp out on their floors for a season. Truly, we have no clue what the future holds. We are truly stepping out in faith believing God to be our Guide and to place us in the center of His will and plan for our family.

Please hear these words from the bottom of our hearts. Though our relationship as your pastors will change, our love for all of you will not. That’s why this is so difficult. We’ve become family over the past 18 years and now we’re moving away from being your pastors. As hard as it is to say goodbye, the fact is we’re still family.

We believe that God directs our steps and promises not to leave us nor forsake us. I’m confident that God will be with my family, and I’m confident He will continue leading this church on to something wonderful. God will not take from one at the expense of another. If God is preparing to bless Kelli and I with something new, then He’s also preparing to bless all of you with an awesome new pastor, a pastor that will be able to take you into the future and strategically meet the challenges of reaching the next generation in this community for Jesus Christ. A pastor that will be even better equipped to lead Desperation Church into the center of God’s will. Kelli and I are hurting for sure, but we really believe that your best days are ahead, and though we will not always be your pastors, we pray that you’ll always think of us as your family.

My heart, and truly my life’s message, have always been to keep our eyes on Jesus singularly and to do everything with passion, especially live for Him. This will continue to be my prayer… for myself, my wife and children, and for all of you – our Desperation Church family.

Respectfully submitted with love for each of you,

Michael, Kelli, Conor, Kolten, Caleb, Michaela, and Merci Craft

Still Beautiful To Me

(This blog is for my wife, Kelli Gayle Craft)

Kelli, I know that our wedding anniversary is still a few months away, but sometimes when times are especially tough, I think you need to be reminded of how special you are... and how much I am still in love with you. So, consider this an early anniversary note.

The last twenty-three years have been great. Sure, we’ve had our ups and our downs. We’ve experienced happiness and joy that we could not contain—the birth of Conor, Kolten, Caleb, and Michaela, the adoption of Merci, or just the quiet times we've been able to get away together, for example. We’ve also suffered heartbreak and sadness; I won’t go into any details because there’s no need—we remember. We’ve faced challenges that we never dreamed we’d face. Together, we’ve made life-changing decisions. And every step of the way, you’ve been there to support me and to support our family. Your loyalty and your dedication have been steadfast and complete. Your love and your compassion have been unwavering. You have strengthened me when my faith was weak, and you have allowed me to minister to you when yours was weak.

As a token of appreciation for your love, your loyalty, and your support, I want to publicly tell you: Thank You. Thank you for being who you are, and thank you for sharing these last twenty-three years with me. Thank you for your tireless efforts on my behalf and on the behalf of our children, even when they don’t recognize or don’t seem to want your support (we do have teenagers, after all). Thank you for being a godly woman. Thank you for loving me and, most especially, for loving Jesus. After the last twenty-three years, I can’t wait for the next seventy-three, or however long God blesses me to be with you.

I still love you five, Kelli. Don't ever forget that, and don't, even for a second, think that I'll ever love you less! 

"We're still goin' strong, and I'm so glad that you came along. In every way you're still beautiful to me. There's somethin' I can't deny; You sure still know how to move this guy. Our love still feels good, still runs deep. When you get close babe, I still get weak. Because in my arms is where you belong. Hey babe you're still number one. Oh can't ya see, you're still beautiful to me You'll always be so beautiful to me. Ya babe in every way, you're still beautiful to me." - Bryan Adams

What Is Your Cause?

This is my son, Conor, practicing for a speech he'll be giving at his community college. It's supposed to be a persuasive speech. He wrote it completely and this is his first time saying it out loud. I'm proud of my son and his radical commitment to Jesus Christ. I love that he doesn't care what his classmates may think of him, but is willing to take a stand for the Love of his life like this.

Disjointed Thoughts on Pain

Years ago I read a book written by C.S. Lewis called, "A Grief Observed". The book stands out amongst his other works, in my opinion, as being hard to follow and a bit disjointed. If you are not familiar with C.S. Lewis, then you are really missing out. His book, "Mere Christianity" is one of my all time favorites, as well as his more famous fantasy stories about children who are whisked away to the land of Narnia. 

Wikipedia defines "A Grief Observed" as "...a non-fiction reflection from author and theologian C.S. Lewis on the process of grieving for his wife, who died of cancer after three years of marriage. He keeps a journal throughout the months immediately following and very candidly describes his resulting anger and bewilderment at God, his observations of his impressions of life and his world without her, and his process of moving in and out of stages of grieving and remembering her. He ultimately comes to a revolutionary redefinition of his own characterization of God, and gains the ability to live gratefully for the gift of a true love as long as he was enrolled in that particular education."

Perhaps "A Grief Observed" wasn't my favorite read, because... I couldn't relate to it?

"A Grief Observed" reminds many of another famous work of Lewis',  a book he authored twenty years prior, called simply, "The Problem of Pain". That was a book that sought to provide theory behind the pain in the world. It was a book I purchased and read when first entering ministry, as I am sure many young and inspiring ministers do in order to perhaps be able to muster up a possible answer to the overwhelming amount of hurt that we are inevitably faced with in our work. "The Problem of Pain" is wonderful, because it is the writing of an immense mind on a subject that is extremely difficult to deal with in Christianity. As a matter of fact, most books out today on the subject of  "Why bad things happen to good people", are little more than Lewis' words rehashed. My point... people love what Lewis proposed, his 'theory', in "The Problem of Pain".

Then, twenty years passed. The love of Lewis' life passed away. And all of a sudden, the theories that all made sense and that everyone said a hearty "amen!" to, became super difficult to apply for Lewis. That's why "A Grief Observed" seemed so disjointed to me. Because trying to navigate through intimately painful situations, and fitting your feelings and doubts into the belief system you've always had... is tough.

I think I get "A Grief Observed" better today. 

I always admired that Lewis was so transparent about his personal wrestling with God in the book, but now it means something even more. It is a life-lesson for me. It reminds me that sometimes life is really hard. Sometimes random verses from the Bible don't help. Sometimes God seems silent. Sometimes God answers the prayers of others exactly like they desired Him to, and sometimes He doesn't do that for you. Sometimes there are just a lot of tears and no one is there to physically wipe them away. Sometimes it can seem very lonely. Sometimes the promise of a 'future hope' just doesn't cut it. 

These are all things that Lewis 'vented' about.

Do you know what's so interesting to me? Some of Lewis' greatest fans, after reading this book, thought he had lost his faith, while some of his biggest critics felt it was his most authentic writing. This is where I see the danger one encounters when seeking to be transparent... and genuine. Those who enjoy and buy into the 'theories' and the 'beliefs' often do not want to stare into the face of life's most tragic moments and then reconcile them with what they've believed. Whereas, often it is the critic who is simply looking for authenticity... proof of the reality of God. They find it hard to accept a God who rescues, saves, heals, and fights for the lost and hurting when they see so many still lost and hurting. But you know what they can relate to... and even admire? A person who readily admits that life is painful... and it doesn't make a whole lot of sense sometimes. A person who doesn't wear a false mask of joy when sorrow is gripping the depths of their soul... all behind trite phrases like, "God is good all the time! All the time God is good!"

In Lewis' "A Grief Observed" we read a man who is seriously hurting, and yes, even questioning. It's like you can feel how hard it is for him to balance what he has always known to be true about God, amidst the anguish of losing his wife to cancer. However, after the venting and the long bouts of silence, crying, and depression... we read him gradually reaccepting the theories and truths he had previously written about. He concludes that suffering is ultimately necessary... even in the lives of those who call upon the name of The Lord.

But, make no mistake, there is a huge difference in his writing after the twenty years. He no longer sounds like an 'immense mind' who has all the answers, but rather a broken vessel who has found that trusting God has much more to do with leaning on Him in the valley of the shadow of death, than clinging to the beliefs and theories we have aligned ourselves with.

I'm thankful for God. I'm grateful for the truths of His Word that are buried deep within my soul. But when my wife is in constant agony, and nothing I, or anyone else, seem to do or say is helpful... when every prayer seems to be ignored... when I'm alone in the dark and listening to her cry...

It hurts. 

Jesus wept too.  (John 11:35)

I know. 

Now however, I think He wept, not because He was upset that Laz's sisters didn't have faith, but because when you see someone you love in that much pain...it stinks.

Desperately Seeking Soothin'

We’re talking about church… what it is, what it is not. Last week we began looking at the church as not some ‘place’… or even as an ‘option’. We began to see that ‘church’ is not only a place you attend, but a thing that we ‘are’.  The church… is us. We also saw that being a disciple… a totally committed, radical follower of Jesus… means also being totally and radically committed to the local church.

That commitment starts with simply ‘being here’… but it goes beyond all that, right? It means becoming involved with other God-followers… living life with them… ministering with them, alongside them… even at times, to them.

Listen, maybe that seems a bit overwhelming to you – that idea that you are seen as a minister. Don’t let it be, it’s really just about faithfully serving the people God has placed in your life. The apostle Paul said it like this…

Galations 6:1-2 – HCSB

“Brothers, if someone is caught in any wrongdoing, you who are spiritual should restore such a person with a gentle spirit, watching out for yourselves so you also won’t be tempted. Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Ministry can sound intimidating until you understand what it really is all about. Maybe you think you could never get up in front of a group of people and preach a sermon... Maybe you think you could never lead a small group in your home… Maybe you think you could never start a ministry to the homeless in downtown Kansas City like Dave and Bonnie Smith have done with Northland Compassion... But do you know people who struggle with doing the wrong things? Do you know people who are carrying heavy burdens? If so, then your first steps toward ministry are easy: help them.

The truth is; we don’t really like getting involved in other people’s problems. We’ve got problems of our own, right? Why take on other’s junk, when we have a whole heap of junk that is our own that we already have to deal with? But the reason is simple: God calls us to help other people. He created us to function this way. And if that’s true… then your problems aren’t just your problems – ultimately, they belong to the church body that God has placed you in. You are called to encourage, challenge, and help the other Christians in your life, and they are called to do the same for you.

If you wait until all of your own issues are gone and dealt with before you start helping others, guess what? You’ll never help others. Lots of people fall into that false way of thinking… and they totally miss out on something that is really awesome and beautiful; being a part of someone else’s healing.

See, here’s the deal: We are family (…I got all my sisters with me…We are family …get up everybody and sing). The Church consists of those that are the children of God… brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus. And a huge part of this whole ‘church’ thing… is to be there for each other…to care for each other.

Let me show you a real example of this in Scripture…

Genesis 4:1-12 – HCSB

Adam was intimate with his wife Eve, and she conceived and gave birth to Cain. She said, “I have had a male child with the Lord’s help.” Then she also gave birth to his brother Abel. Now Abel became a shepherd of flocks, but Cain worked the ground. In the course of time Cain presented some of the land’s produce as an offering to the Lord. And Abel also presented an offering—some of the firstborn of his flock and their fat portions. The Lord had regard for Abel and his offering, but He did not have regard for Cain and his offering. Cain was furious, and he looked despondent. Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you furious? And why do you look despondent? If you do what is right, won’t you be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” Cain said to his brother Abel, “Let’s go out to the field.” And while they were in the field, Cain attacked his brother Abel and killed him. Then the Lord said to Cain, “Where is your brother Abel?” “I don’t know,” he replied. “Am I my brother’s guardian?” Then He said, “What have you done? Your brother’s blood cries out to Me from the ground! So now you are cursed, alienated, from the ground that opened its mouth to receive your brother’s blood you have shed. If you work the ground, it will never again give you its yield. You will be a restless wanderer on the earth.”

The Bible is really awesome, and many times its message is super easy to understand… and sometimes it can be a bit more difficult. Many times understanding the context and culture of the day helps us in understanding things better. One thing that can be super important when reading the Bible, especially major portions of the Old Testament, is to understand that the exact wording that is used is often critical… and often poetical. Often, a story that was told had a pretty obvious meaning, but many times there was sort of a ‘hidden’ meaning as well… a ‘subtle’ message that would be conveyed in the ‘way’ the story was told.

For instance, often when a word is repeated over and over in a particular story, its to make a point in a subtle way. The first time we read the word "brother" in the bible (ach, in Hebrew) is when Eve gave birth to Abel after first having Cain. It says, "then she also gave birth to his brother Abel..."  (Genesis 4:2) showing that the first person in all of the Bible to be a brother to someone else is Abel, and the first person to have a brother is Cain.

Interestingly, in these first verses of Genesis chapter 4, the word brother is repeated seven times, and the middle time is in God's question, "Where is your brother Abel?" Remember… the writers in these days were very sensitive to word repetition and pattern, and to repeat a word seven times tells us something… it emphasizes its centrality to the story.

The unspoken message is that God's question, "Where is your brother Abel?" is central and very important - Abel is the first brother, and the only brother to Cain, and Cain is responsible for him. Cain's response, the first words after Abel's murder, shows that he has rejected his responsibility to his one and only brother.

Another interesting thing about the Bible, is that it often uses the first of a kind to represent all of that kind. For example, Adam is the first man so he becomes the representative of all mankind. With this in mind then, one of the take-home messages of this famous story is that all who are human are our brothers… and we ARE our brother's guardians. The minute we forget that, sin starts to crouch at our door and we start moving down a path toward evil that may even lead toward hatred… and murder.

What would happen if we really viewed other human beings… as our brothers… as those we were to seriously guard… and care for? Listen, I understand that this totally goes against all that our culture is shoving down our throats right now. Modern culture emphasizes materialism, and as we talked about last week… individuality, to the point of amazing self-centeredness.

“It’s all about ME” is the message of the day… to the point where materialism and consumerism prey on answering every need of ours. If we want something… we can absolutely find a way to have it. We want what we want, and we want it right now! For example, think about the biggest money-making part of the entertainment industry in our time: pornography. What exactly does pornography do? Answer: It feeds on the fleshy desires within us to use others’ bodies for our own pleasure. It’s a completely ‘selfish’ thing that brings much destruction with it. Do you know why? Because, at its very core, it devalues other human beings… it feeds that part of a person that is selfish and inwardly-focused.

Gang, only when we are reminded that other humans are our brothers, and that we must love our brothers as ourselves, will we begin to live as God wants us to. Once again… a huge part of this whole ‘discipleship’ thing… this whole ‘church’ thing… is to be there for each other…and to care for each other.

How is God asking you to stretch out of your own comfort zone… and practically show His love to someone else?

Who has God planted in your world that you can help? Who can you carry?

Galations 6:2 – HCSB

“Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

Happy Birthday Mom!