Odd Tuesday

Usually my day off is Tuesday, however, yesterday being Labor Day, I took it off instead. I have been in the office all day, with a small exception of being out in the front lawn of the church for about 20 minutes working on a project. During that 20 minute span of time, a woman I have never met approached me and began telling me her story.

Her name is 'Abigail'. Her husband died four months ago. Two of her children have passed away. She is a lonely widow that occasionally attends another church in town. Last night she was driving on highway 152, when she passed a young woman walking, stumbling, and crying on the side of the road. Much like she felt she was to park her car and come speak with a sweaty, tattooed guy in a T-shirt working on a park bench in front of a church, she pulled over on the side of 152 highway to ask a young girl if she was okay.

Abigail picked this girl up. Her story now included a brand new character: 'Tina'. Tina is 19, homeless, hungry, sick with pneumonia, and desperately looking for a place to live, a place to work, and a place that will enable her life to improve. Abigail got Tina to a hospital and purchased food and medication for this hurting girl. However, now she didn’t know what to do.

Abigail introduced me to Tina. Now my story has two new characters in it: Abigail and Tina.

I spent a couple of hours on the phone with every local agency I could find, only to be extremely disappointed. As it turns out, to be homeless and get significant help is near impossible… but not totally. Unfortunately, Tina has been through the ringer. She’s dealt with alcoholism since she was eleven and endured the horrors of rape and severe abuse physically and emotionally.

She’s been hardened.

Religion and religious people are not anything that concerns her. She feels God is not ‘knowable’ and absolutely doesn't care about her or her situation. Life’s experiences have left Tina an agnostic to her bitter, hardened, hurting core. My words of ‘comfort’ were as useful as a screen-door on a submarine.

But today Tina’s story, Abigail’s story, and my story… all merged. Why?

I am reminded that I’m really just a tiny part in something much bigger than I often realize… God’s story. As I spoke with these lovely ladies, my heart broke for both of them. As a matter of fact, things got a little awkward when they each saw tears running down my face. After making numerous phone calls securing shelter for Tina, we simply sat down and talked. Each and every idea that I came up with would be shot down by this 19 year old, worldly-wise, un-knowingly desperate girl. She told me how she’d never go to any type of homeless shelter again, because the “people that work in those places treat people like me like we’re lower than dirt”. She said, “I may not have much, but I have my pride and my dignity and I won’t go to a place like that”. She was frustrated. Frustrated at her situation, at her helplessness, and at all those that said they wanted to help, but simply didn't. She then turned her frustration towards God and religion and began a line of questioning that would make a well-versed theologian with a few doctorates quake in their boots. My humble responses were, apparently, less than adequate and I, truly, felt more helpless than I've felt in quite some time. Physically, she would not let me help her. Spiritually, I was trying to be sincere, but came off ‘preachy’ and was absolutely not understood. Complete failure?

For all these reasons, my heart broke.

If these were my feelings, I imagined what God must feel when He sees His creation hurting like this. As things were unfolding, I also imagined how God’s heart must break each time He sees a child choose unwisely. We often talk about God’s power. I think that God would HAVE to be “all powerful” to endure the level of hurt and pain He must tolerate each day He has to look down upon our bad decisions and rebellion.

I'm also reminded that, like three out of the four 'soils' in Luke 8:4-15, sometimes people miss out on the 'good seed' of God's words because of their various negative responses to it. I guess I just never thought of how discouraging that might be for the 'Sower' of that seed. Truly, our God is all powerful and awesome to remain loving, when so many of us continue to not understand and willfully rebel.

Today has been odd. Not one of my favorite days, for sure. However, it has caused me to pause and view some things... and people... through the eyes of God.

I should do that more often.