It's Me

Okay,... my post today is not really mine, but the post of a good friend. He's an awesome writer, but more than that, he's an awesome man of God... and friend. He's going through some 'stuff' right now, and he wrote this. It impacted me big time, and I wanted to pass it on. So, thanks Nate for your heart and witness to so many,... especially me.


I have four children, all of them wonderful and unique. They teach me so much on a daily basis about what it means to be a father, son and husband. It is an ever present reminder of how important it is to have our eyes and ears open to see/hear what it is God is trying to tell us.


Last night as my wife and I sat at the dinner table talking our youngest daughter - almost two - strolled up to us and put her little fingers up on the table. She is talking more and more now and calls each of her siblings by name. While she was standing there, fingers reaching up to grab the table, I asked her, "who is that?" She simply responded by saying two sweet words, "It's me!". We've tried to get her to repeat her name as she does with her brother and sisters but each time she just says, "It's me!" There was no need for her to say her name to her daddy. She just looked up at us with those big, blue eyes as if to say, "you know who it is".


We are navigating some difficult times right now, searching for direction and clarity as to what God would have us do. It can be frustrating to not have all the answers - to live day to day and not be able to see past tomorrow. But there is a greater purpose at work in us as we walk this path that seems to be so crooked. "God why do we seem to be wandering from this place to that? Please make our way straight (easy) so that we can give our lives purpose and direction". Some of that is a selfish request on my part. I want to enjoy a certain amount of structure and stability in my life. But I think that these moments we will later relish as moments when God was actively at work drawing us to Himself. Telling us - "Your focus and direction needs to be in Me". I read this poem yesterday that spoke to my wife and I in a powerful way:


He may wait til He explains
Because we know that Jesus reigns
It puzzles me; but, Lord You understandest
And will one day explain this crooked thing.
Meanwhile, I know that it has worked out Your best -
Its very crookeness taught me to cling.
You have fenced up my ways, made my paths crooked,
To keep my wandering eyes fixed on You,
To make me what I was not, humble, patient;
To draw my heart from earthly love to You.
So I will thank and praise You for this puzzle,
And trust where I cannot understand.
Rejoicing You do hold me worth such testing,
I cling the closer to Your guiding hand.

There are times when I bow my head to pray, not really knowing what to say or really even having the words to speak to my Heavenly Father. In these times I think it's enough to reach up and simply say, "Father, it's me".

Loving the ABBA moments

This morning, after taking my son Conor to the doctor to find out he has strep throat, I went to work. I decided to take my youngest daughter, Merci, with me. I love all my children and am amazed at how different each of them is from the other. I'm having a lot of fun getting to know my newest daughters, and Merci today surprised me and made me laugh out loud all at the same time.

We were in my little Ford Ranger truck and she was enjoying the fact that she could reach the controls of my radio. This resulted in her rapidly switching from various pre-set Christian music stations to various pre-set sports talk and soft rock stations. She finally landed on 98.1, on an old rock classic, "Dancing Queen" being sung by the infamous ABBA. I thought it strange to say the least. Guess what I found stranger still: She sang along with it... and knew EVERY SINGLE WORD!!!

I knew I'd learn new things about my daughters, but my six year old knowing, singing, and loving ABBA? Really?

This has got me considering something today. I think it was Ralph Waldo Emerson who said, "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us".

As our family is dealing with some of the scars from our girls past, scars that have created behavioral patterns that are not something that we're used to - and as we look forward to a future that holds unimaginable joys and perhaps some difficulties - we are working hard to enjoy each and every moment in the present.

This might not seem hard, or like that big of a deal. However, as a visionary guy who is constantly thinking about the future, and as a guy who often helps others deal with wounds from the past - It can be extremely strange for me to really focus on the present. I am learning the importance of... pausing... waiting... enjoying.

Gang, there is much to be thankful for and happy about in this life. When we get so caught up in the hurts from the past and the unsureness of the future, we can often miss the subtle joys of the present. May today be a day where wherever we are, we are fully there. May today be a day where we take the time to enjoy all that the Master has blessed us with to the fullest.

Psalm 139:23
"Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my anxious thoughts;"

Your Roots Are Showing

A few have asked for my unique paraphrase of Ephesians 3:17-19 from the weekend message. So here it is. God bless and may we all be rooted and grounded in love with Jesus in our hearts and thoughts 24/7. (As always, if you'd like to hear the message, just go to www.DesperationChurch.org and click 'RESOURCES')

“God help these people to constantly have You in their minds and hearts… because when YOU are making Yourself at home in their lives – then they’ll have LOVE at home in their lives. Never let them be moved from love - Like a tree rooted into the ground, let them be firmly planted in love. A love that is so much bigger and wider and deeper than anything that anyone could ever imagine!”

We're Finally Home!

Friday night at exactly 8pm we drove up the driveway to our home. We had left our home the previous Saturday at 7pm to begin our adventure of driving straight to Miami, Florida to retrieve our two girls. Last Saturday we were a family of six. Now we are a family of eight!

It was a long, but really fun trip home. We sang. We played cards. We listened to music. We laughed. Everybody but me slept. We stopped at various rest stops and fast food joints and hotels. We began our bonding process. It was awesome.

All six of my kids were awesome. I am so proud of each and every one of them. Conor (17) is a loving, caring big brother. He is a leader. To see him interact with the new girls is something that blows me away. Kolten (15) is so considerate and kind. He is constantly making sure everyone is comfortable and safe, while making all of us laugh our heads off. Maria (14) is quiet, shy, and a little freaked out. Yet, with all she's been through recently, she is kind and shows an excitement for what lies ahead. When she experiences something brand new (like snow, Wal-Mart, or sour patch gummy bears) she simply smiles and widens her eyes without saying a word. Caleb (13) has, too, been such a great blessing. He can get our youngest (Merci) laughing like no one else. He let Maria braid his long hair, which I know was painful for him, but barely even whimpered. Michaela (10) is so happy to have two more girls in the family! At times I'd watch her in my rear-view mirror (remember we just spent three days in a van) and marvel at how beautiful and loving she is. Merci Klarrah (5) I've started calling 'Klaire-Bear' for some reason. She is just fun. Everything is new and everything is exciting. Ever since I've known Merci, since meeting her almost four years ago, she has had a curious habit of sucking on three of her fingers with her opposite arm covering her eyes. I've come to learn that she does this when she is feeling nervous or scared. In the past three days I've only seen her do this twice! She is sure loved... and I think she gets that.

We were so excited to show the girls our home. Wow, were we surprised. As we were gone some magic elves came into our house... and transformed it!

Our upstairs bathroom was completely gutted and re-done. New beautiful tile is now on the floor, in the tub, and around the sink! The faucets in the sink and shower/tub are new and super cool. New towels and shower curtain that actually match are hanging.

The upstairs attic was cleaned out, the doors that were falling down were taken out and replaced with drywall, insulation, and a new 36" door that completely keeps the cold out of Caleb's room! (This may not seem like a big deal to anyone, but you just have no idea what a burden this was on me... and what a blessing it is to have done.)

The girls room was rearranged to have three beds, three dressers, and set up cuter than you can imagine! Notes were left for Maria that she immediately read with a huge smile on her face.

The house was dusted from top to bottom. The ceiling fans, that previously had a special science experiment taking place on them in the form of one entire inch of dust, had been wiped cleaner than a plate of food put in front of Merci!

Perhaps the best part, or at least the most meaningful to our new daughters, was the fact that there were pictures of THEM all over the house! Right alongside Conor, Kolten, Caleb, and Michaela's pictures in our main dining room were new, big pictures of Maria and Merci! This actually made Kelli cry and me so appreciative of the friends and family that we have here in Liberty!

I could go on and on, but won't for sake of time. I just want those involved (you elves know who you are) to know that you can never understand what you've done. I love you, I love you, I love you. More than words can say,... I love you.

We were all tired, so after an awesome meal (that was prepared for us and waiting in the crock-pot... another 'thank-you') we got ready for bed. I read a book about monkeys to Merci and brushed her teeth. Maria and Michaela tried on new clothes that had been left for them in their dressers. The boys showered in their new bathroom. Kelli started doing laundry. And then we all held hands and prayed together as a family - thanking God for His mysterious love and care, and for the many blessings we enjoy.

Life is good. We're finally home.

Adoption Update - Day 4

UPDATE:

It's Wednesday morning. Yesterday the embassy 'processed' twenty one families, who are on their way home right now, or already there. It's hard not to be jealous. There is still twenty three families to go, of which we and the Pinas are two of those. This whole process is ridiculously long and tedious. Yesterday, they finally caved and let us see the kids. This made the day much better and re-lit the fire in our hearts as to why we are going through this tremendously hard situation.

The girls: They are awesome. They are happy to be away from where they were, but sad to be leaving their friends and the life they've known up to this point. They have no clue what 'tomorrow' holds. Their skin is dry and cracked and their hair is wirey and mussed. They've been living in make-shift tents for the past two weeks and have had no way to care for themselves. They haven't been eating well and they are weak.

But they are awesome.

We're heading back to the embassy now. We are packing up the hotel room and prayerfully planning on not coming back. If, in fact, we must... we will have to find another hotel (hopefully closer to the embassy) for tonight. If we get the children today (when we do, I mean =) we'll begin our journey home and find a hotel somewhere along the way tonight. I am pretty sure I can't drive straight thru again. That was absolutely killer and something I haven't truly recovered from yet. Although last night I got my first full night's sleep. Yea!

I love you all, and have appreciated your prayers big time. I miss you all and can't wait to introduce you to my entire family. By the way,... I'm so proud of my wife and kids. Each of them have shown the love of Chirst and the patience of Job throughout this. They teach me so much every day. I am truly a blessed man... and cannot complain about a thing.

--
Michael Craft
www.DesperationChurch.org

Thank You.

Thank you World Vision. I'm humbled and honored to be called a 'Christian' when I see ministries like yours being 'Jesus' to a hurting world.

If you are wondering what a good organization might be to donate $5, $10, or anything at all... I can't think of one better than this: www.worldvision.org

God bless.

Be Prepared,... Or Don't.

I'm swimming.

I mean, my mind is swimming. With all that has been transpiring in Haiti and the adoption of our two girls that has been in process for over three and a half years looking like it could be coming to completion any moment... I'm swimming.

I want to admit something: I've been angry. I've felt cheated... lied to... stolen from... and extremely disappointed. It all started four years ago when I made my first trip to Haiti. On my last day there, I met Maria Andre and Merci Klarrah, and I fell in love. That love only grew on two subsequent trips, and numerous letters and phone calls. I consider them 'my girls'. We worked hard to finish all the paperwork... and there was A LOT of paperwork! We had to have what is called a 'Home Study', where someone comes into our home and inspects everything, and interviews me, my wife, each of my children. It was very nerve-wracking! We spent twenty thousand dollars and re-mortgaged our home. We prayed.

Nothing happened.

I became angry. Each phone call only brought on more discouragement. Each email telling us that the Haitian government was in 'no hurry' to get orphans out, we just "HAD TO WAIT"... only added to my frustration. We had done all that we could! We had done everything right! Now we were being told that we were not even supposed to contact our own government to speed things up, because that would only anger the Haitian government and slow things down. The whole thing seemed crooked, and I became more and more discouraged... and angry.

This may sound hard to believe, but I never lost faith... in God. I truly felt, prayed, and believed that God was in control. I just figured He wanted me to trust Him... even it that meant that I would never get the girls home, and that we had flushed twenty grand and countless hours of work. I had resigned myself that it would NEVER happen. I trusted that that was God's will... and I would be okay with it.

Right.

Last week, Haiti imploded. One week later we're being told that President Obamma has signed something that allows Haitian orphans to come to the states immediately if they can only get a ride here. This morning I'm told that my girls are camping out outside the crumbled Haitian Consolate awaiting their release with 60 or more other orphans from their orphanage. I'm being told to stay calm,... but be ready.

Right.

I'm swimming. My mind is a million different places. Is this really going to happen? What was I thinking? Can I be "Dad" to six kids? Are the girls traumatized? How big are they now? Are they going to like me? Can six kids share one tiny bathroom? Is Kelli going to be able to homeschool everyone? How are we going to afford food, when my four kids already eat more than I thought was possible? I can't wait to hold them and tell them it's all okay now. Will Kelli keep working at the bank? Will the church love them? Will all my kids get along? Have the girls seen those piles of bodies that I saw on the news? Am I cut out for this?

I'm not angry anymore,... I'm scared.

A few days ago I was reading in Matthew chapter 10:19-20. It states, "But when they arrest you, do not worry about what to say, or how to say it. At that time you will be given what to say, for it will not be you speaking, but the Spirit of your Father speaking through you." Jesus said this as part of His preparing the disciples to go out and share the Message that the Kingdom of God is here. He's telling them to not fret or even prepare ahead of time what they will or will not say, because by God's Spirit, they will be given the words to speak. Even in circumstances where their very lives are at stake.

Can you imagine living with that kind of peace? No questioning. No self-doubt. No worries,... all because you KNOW that God's Spirit is ultimately in charge... and can bail you out of any mess you've gotten yourself into, or help you during any crisis that seems way too big for you.

As a disciple myself, I too must be reliant upon God's Holy Spirit to give me what to say. Even in times where I'm swimming. Just as Jesus is preparing these followers ahead of time for what they will one day encounter, so too I must trust that He has prepared me ahead of time for what I will encounter.

Jesus' words, "Do not worry about what to say, or how to say it" ring in my ears... and in my heart today, as I pray:

"Father, may I be guided by Your Spirit today and throughout the next few days and weeks to be the man You've called me to be... prepared me to be... and are enabling me to be. I love you."